Makes Me Wanna Holler: Working & Hurting While Black

Sigh.

This is so hard to write. I have nothing to say that is eloquent, that will give you comfort, that will somehow make swallowing the pill of the steady stream of black men being killed by police go down easier.

Truth be told, I've been firmly tucked up inside my feelings this whole week, rotating between anger, frustration, heartbreak, and true, honest-to-God fear. Fear for me, my loved ones, my child, my people.

So while I can't help you process or make sense of this, or even point you towards resources that can, or even one clear plan of action for the future, what I can do is try to help you be able to put one foot in front of the other and make it through another day at work.

Be a Robot

Compared to the magnitude of what's happening, most of our jobs seem silly in comparison. Who can get excited about writing a press release when people are dying in the street? Who cares about the training program when watching someone die on your news feed is no longer an anomaly? Unless you are working on solving the world's major issues, whatever you are doing for a living probably feels frivolous right now. You're feeling like you can't get excited about your work.

So don't.

Be a robot. Go through the motions. Get your tasks done and go home. Operate fully on autopilot. Make yourself as numb as you have to be to just check things off the list until it's time for you to clock out.

You're not superhuman. What you're feeling is real so don't try to force yourself to feel something else. Just do your job, do an acceptable, not amazing, but acceptable job. And then go home.

Don't Take The Bait

Unfortunately, most offices have at least one asshole. That asshole might be the otherwise pleasant guy who "just so happens" to have really strong opinions on race and politics. That kind of asshole almost alway tries to engage the few professionals of color in the office in debates on these topics. Don't fall for it.

Shut the conversation down before it even starts. Don't engage.

In times when your emotions are raw, when situations on the news are hitting close to home, keep those kinds of assholes far, far away from you. No good will come of this. You're likely not going to be able to articulate your feelings and positions accurately and at worst, you blow up and cuss him smooth out, which he probably deserves but will only serve to reflect bad on you.

"Jim, I'm really busy right now and not interested in debating this subject with you."

Stay Home

If you just can't muster the strength, then just stay at home. Take a black day.

Seriously.

Sometimes the weight of this is too much to handle. So don't. Mental health days are just as important as any other time off. If you have the time available to you, take it. If you feel comfortable sharing why with your manager, do it. If not, just say you need to take a sick day.

Prioritize Self Care

Taking a sick day, going through the motions and avoiding people are unfortunately short term solutions. If this week has shown us anything, it's that the killing of black lives is a far too regular and steady occurrence. We have to have long term ways to cope.

For the long haul, you have to prioritize your own mental and physical self-care because life and work will go on. You will have to learn to compartmentalize and simply exert yourself over the emotional drain.

Find a support system you can be raw and honest with. Be it friends, family, online groups, whatever. You have to have an outlet for what you're really feeling.
Get involved. There are no easy solutions to fix the symptoms of a broken system, but channel your energy towards something, maybe even just one small part of it. Get active in your community, get more involved in local politics. Do something that you believe in.
Get active. Blow off some tension and frustration physically. Go for a run. Go to the gym. Take a fitness class. Move your body in some way. The endorphin release will give you a short-term positivity boost and the conditioning will make you physically stronger to weather these storms in the long-term.
Relax. Do the things you enjoy and bring you joy. Spend time with your loved ones. Try to get your mind onto something more positive, if even for a minute.

Self-love and self-care are truly radical acts when you're oppressed.

The world is telling you that you are not worthy and less than. You are not and loving yourself is proof positive of that. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed to prioritize your own self-care.

While we may not have the words, may not be able to call the thing we're feeling by its proper name, know that so many of us are all in the same place, feeling the same way.