Off Limits: How to Respond to Discrimination in a Job Interview
/
The sad truth is that if you are a professional that lives outside of the majority lines - of color, woman, LGBTQ, immigrant, etc. - you will likely have to deal with someone saying something crazy to you. It may be minor offense or something that sets you fully back on your heels. Either way, it's likely to happen.
We've already discussed how to handle this when it comes from a coworker. But what do you do when you don't even have the job yet? What if someone asks you something really personal and potentially biased during the interview?
There is a way to handle it while keeping your composure and still get the job.
Know What's Off Limits
First thing's first, you have to know what questions are forbidden in job interviews. The EEOC forbids employers from discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex (including gender identity, sexual orientation, and pregnancy), national origin, age, disability or genetic information. (Familiarize yourself here).
In a job interview, these might come up in the form of seemingly innocuous questions, like -
- How old are you?
- Do you have kids yet?
- What country are you from?
- Are you married?
These might be appropriate in casual conversation and feel like the interviewer is just getting to know you but they are absolutely off limits in a job interview setting. Problems arise when you interview with smaller companies without a formal HR department. Not every interviewer is well versed in employment law and may cross the line just in making chit chat. If these questions do come up and you do not feel comfortable answering, there are two positions that you can take in your response.
Play The Helpful Advisor
Let's say that you are a young woman interviewing for a new job and you are wearing your wedding ring. The interviewer asks, "so are you and your husband planning to have kids?"
To respond, you can choose to play the helpful advisor, gently letting him know that the question is out of bounds. Respond in this way if by doing so, you further illuminate why you're the best fit for the job and redirect the conversation that way.
"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but that's actually an illegal question to ask in a job interview. I know this because in my last role as Operations, I actually handled a fair amount of employment policies for my company since we didn't have a formal HR department and I'd be happy to take that on here. Would that fall within the responsibilities of this Director of Operations role?"
At this point, an interviewer who meant nothing by the comment will likely blush, apologize, and gladly take the easy out you've offered and get back to talking about the role itself.
Uncover the Business Reason
The other option you have is to try to uncover the business reason for the question. Some managers have been burned in the past, or may have qualms about your fit for the role. That doesn't make the question acceptable, but may show that the interviewer in question is letting her fears from past experience cloud her good judgment. Try to uncover that reason by responding back with a question.
Let's keep the previous example, the interviewer asks "so are you and your husband planning to have kids?" You can respond back with four simple words:
"Why do you ask?"
Practice saying this in a pleasant, non-accusatory tone and say it with a gentle smile. Again, if this person is not trying to discriminate or has a business reason, they should respond simply and explain. You might hear something like "well there will be a lot of long hours and travel, so we just want to know that you can do that." Then you can simply reiterate your fit for the role and again, redirect back to the specifics.
"There's nothing that will keep me from being able to meet the expectations of this role. I'm no stranger to long hours and excited about the prospect of traveling to client sites to see the business in action. In my last job, I... [insert example that fits and allays the fear]"
Ask Yourself How Badly You Want this Job
Generally speaking, I believe that the interview is going to give you the most polished, presentable view of a company or team. So if they mess up then, they're not likely to be any better as managers or coworkers day in and day out.
Never forget that you are interviewing the company to see if you fit and want to work there, along with them interviewing you to see if you can do the job. If your spidey sense starts tingling and telling you that this place might not be right, follow that feeling. Keep your options open and remember that you can and should turn down an offer from a place where you don't feel comfortable working.
But if the way your checking is set up won't let you turn down a paying job and you must accept, then you also must be proactive in planning your experience there. Sure, the offensive question or comment could have be an honest mistake but it probably wasn't. So hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Prepare to work with and under people who don't value whatever difference they asked you about during the interview. Get your mind right, expect to hear something else about it, and prepare yourself for how you'll respond then.
More importantly, PLAN YOUR CAREER. If you have to take a sucky job with a sucky team, you better be plotting and planning on how you're going to turn that into a better opportunity within the next year. Figure out where you want to go next, what you experience you need to get there, and who in your current company has the contacts or connections to help you make that transition. LinkedIn is a great resource for that.
One final note - I don't write these posts about discrimination or offense in the workplace because I believe that people are bad, or that you will be picked on, or that the world is a hostile, aggressive place. I write this because if you're anything like I am, you don't do your best when caught completely off guard. I write this to arm you with an appropriate response that you can practice beforehand, so that you don't understandably fly off the handle and react in a way that may limit your future prospects or damage your reputation. And yes, I know that it is bullshit for the person who was offended to have to care about the feelings of the person who offended them. That shouldn't be the way, but it is. If you have bills or aspirations, you may have to work within the system that exists to be able to change it.
Have you ever encountered a discriminatory question in an interview? If so, how did you handle it? Let me know in the comments
