Office Etiquette: Is It Ever Okay to Poop at Work?

Of all the things to worry about at the outset of your career - building strong peer relationships, managing your reputation, doing impeccable work - bathroom issues should be at the bottom of the list.  But this is one subject that is especially fraught.  Some say that this is the last remaining taboo for women.  I don't pass time in office men's rooms so I can't definitively disagree with that.  

What I do know is that I've personally had this conversation plenty of times.  So, finally, to answer the lingering question - is it ever okay to poop at work?

Yes!  

As all toddlers know, everybody poops.  It's okay to feel uncomfortable pooping outside of your own home, but if you gotta go, you gotta go.  So you should.  

But, there are some simple etiquette tips that can make this totally natural, normal act way less awkward in the workplace and make you more comfortable doing it.

Go Far

Use the bathroom on another floor.  Go to another department.  Choose the solo option without multiple stalls.  

There's nothing wrong with using the nearest bathroom at your disposal, but choosing one a bit farther from your desk lessens the likelihood that you'll be in the stall next to a peer or manager as nature is calling.  

Time It Right

If you have no choice but to use the bathroom the rest of your team uses, try to time it for when nobody else is using it.  Even though we all poop, there's something just so awkward about doing it next to people you know.  If you can, try to go to the bathroom when the coast is clear and go quickly to finish up before anyone walks in.

No Talking

There's nothing worse than being in the stall, trying to quickly handle business and have a coworker come in and try to strike up a conversation with you.  Do. Not. Do. This.  

If someone recognizes your shoes and hits you with a "Marissa is that you?", quickly shut it down.  You do not want to be having a conversation about the last team meeting while dropping kids at the pool. 

"Yeah, it's me.  I hate talking over the stall so I'll swing past your desk later."

Be Courteous

This shouldn't have to be said, but I've stepped foot into too many nasty bathrooms so I know that it does.  It's not your home.  Clean up after yourself.  Wipe the seat down if you need to.  If you're particularly self-conscious about smells, invest in a bottle of Poopourri or Just A Drop. (I've personally used Just A Drop before and can attest that it works, and I'm not being paid to say that). If your office has air freshener in the bathrooms, use that as well.  Pooping is natural, but that doesn't mean you have to be nasty about it.  

And just in case you don't, wash your hands.  That's filthy.  

That's it.  When nature calls, you should answer.  There's nothing rude about using the bathroom for what it's made for.  Just be courteous to your office mates and handle your business.